Promises and Questions

I promised myself at the beginning of this adoption process that I would not be one of those parents-in-waiting that would try to predict when we would get a referral and constantly be bothering our caseworker at Gladney. Well, so far I have fulfilled the promise of not bothering our caseworker but I am failing miserably at avoiding the predictions and speculation.

I am by nature a Type A personality on speed with major control issues (surprise...surprise). I know myself and my tendencies very well and vowed to live "in the moment" and believe without question that God would provide and when the time was right he would reveal our daughter. I have tried to stay busy with both of my sons activities. Nikolaus plays sports year-round and my oldest son is graduating from high school tomorrow. However, now that school has ended and I am done teaching for the semester, I find myself constantly online and wondering....

Will we get a referral this month?

If we get a referral, will we make a court date before the rainy season?

How will Jim and I travel in the fall if we don't make it this summer (we both teach at and will have to arrange for class coverage)?

Will I be able to take Nikolaus out of school and football to travel in the fall?

And on...and on...and on...

I figured I would let it out here in an effort to regain some sanity. I am not wining (0k maybe a little bit), and I know I should trust the process. Hopefully, things will move along in the month of June and I will find some peace again. Does anyone else feel this way or is it just my nutty personality? -Laura